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seahorse
Senior Member
USA
1075 Posts |
 Posted - 06 October 2003 : 01:22:25
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What do you say to people getting a divorce?
I'm still at the age where most of my friends in my age group are still looking for someone or just getting married. But just recently, two people I've known as a couple are getting divorced.
When I was a kid, I'd just say I was sorry to hear that someone was getting a divorce and the adults would never pursue it further with me. Now, that I'm an adult, I have no idea what more there is to say.
Does anyone out there have any idea of what I'm talking about? It's all very awkward...
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Ken
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D3mon
Senior Member
United Kingdom
1685 Posts |
Posted - 06 October 2003 : 04:55:47
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| I'd just say sorry. If the person want's to talk more about it, then sure. I guess the worst thing you can do is take sides if you know and like both parties. |
Snitz 'Speedball' : Site Integration Mod : Friendly Registration Mod
"In war, the victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has been won" |
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Roland
Advanced Member
Netherlands
9335 Posts |
Posted - 06 October 2003 : 05:00:24
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I've never been in a situation like that, though I have heard about friends of my sister's getting divorces, and I've talked to friends online (which isn't the same as offline friends) who were getting divorces or really wanted to but couldn't for personal reasons.
It's hard to say something useful, mostly because there's nothing you can do about it, not to mention that you probably don't know the entire story. Staying nutral and letting them do the talking seems to work best, then you'll eventually end up saying what you need to say, while also showing that you're there for them. At least that's the way it is for me.
Personally I believe it's better to get a divorce and try to be happy again without the other, rather than staying together while there aren't any sparks anymore. |
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Mr Pink
Junior Member
United Kingdom
387 Posts |
Posted - 06 October 2003 : 08:36:00
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| You could look at it as a new chapter in both of their lives. People have to move on. |
Martin
Leyland Forum Leyland Lancashire UK |
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Cliff
Average Member
United States
501 Posts |
Posted - 06 October 2003 : 08:50:22
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Those of us in the midst of divorce don't know what we want said to us either. We'll all be different. I've been married for 11 years and have three kids. I'll miss my kids terribly, but the marriage is over. So you can tell me you are sorry to hear it and I will understand. It won't get better, I'll out on so much with my kids. What makes it hard is this was my choice. She'd keep me as we were, but neither of us were happy. Congratulations is never in order. A lot of people get very hurt. "Glad to hear it" would be just as bad. "I never really liked him/her" only validates the other person made a mistake and will make them feel worse.
What do you say to someone who loses a loved one they despised? It's analogous. Divorces with children are tough. My daughter (3) cries all the time she misses me and when I have to leave her with her mother it kills me to see her big brown eyes filled with tears. She doesn't understand. I love my kids and nothing anyone can ever say to me will take the pain I feel away. Just try and say a few simple kind words. This is very early in the process for me and people offer to let me talk with them if I need to. I will never take anyone up on that, except a very close friend, but the offer is nice. |
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dayve
Forum Moderator
USA
5820 Posts |
Posted - 06 October 2003 : 10:20:00
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| I'm a child of divorced parents and I am also a divorcee (since remarried). The most important thing I realized is that the divorce is necessary if the parents continue to fight, especially in front of the children. In my opinion it is better to end it and then be able to refocus on the kids. That's what I did and they are much happier. |
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seahorse
Senior Member
USA
1075 Posts |
Posted - 06 October 2003 : 22:09:07
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It may sound stupid, but you know what gets really difficult?
How do you invite one part of the divorcing couple out without hurting the feelings of the other half?
Going out to lunch on weekends used to be so simple. My wife and I'd just call and both couples would meet somewhere. It used to be harder to pick a place our kids would like.
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Ken
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Worldwide Partner Group
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